Gary Cohen Writes! The Official Blog of Critically Acclaimed Author Gary Cohen

  I remember my brother and I sitting in the kitchen watching our 10 inch black and white tv.  I know what you're thinking, pretty small for a tv, and pretty colorless.  But in fairness, way bigger than watching tv on my phone. It was New Years Eve and PBS was showing Monty Python and The Holy Grail.  This would have been sometime in the mid to late Seventies. I'm not sure if we had seen the series before seeing this movie. I want to say my brother knew what the movie was. That he knew it would be on.  It's a little muddled. It was a long time ago.  If you've never seen Monty Python and the Holy Grail it is loosely based on the legend of King Arthur.  But the knights don't ride horses they are accompanied by man servants who clap together 2 halves of a coconut to simulate the sound of hoofbeats.  There is a witch trial where the witch has a carrot tied to her face for a nose. There are knights who say "ni" and French knights who threaten to, "fart...

  Happy Birthday Nancy! I had never heard of Gabriel García Márquez until my senior year of college. I don't think I'd heard the term magical realism until then either. My public school education, in a very good school system might I add, leaned heavily towards old, dead American white men.  Except in February.  In February we would get an old dead American black man.  Whoops! and my privilege is showing because when I say American I mean United States. Contiguous United States I think. Man, contiguous is a great word isn't it? Even if you didn't know what it meant you could kind of figure it out don't you think? In college I studied business and I was all business about studying business.  I took my electives based on the following criteria: 1. Did they start after 10 am? 2. Did they seem like they would be pretty easy? 3. What about 10:30? Anything start after 10:30? I think at least one semester I was able to finagle a 4 day a week schedule.  Maybe more ...

  There is no synonym for synonym.   That was the thought that started it all.  There was an antonym for synonym: antonym.  There was an antonym for antonym: synonym.  But no synonym for synonym.  It seemed like a terrible oversight. And it's just a word. Someone made up synonym, antonym, and homonym.  Why did they stop there?  A quick aside. I have some very vivid memories of my childhood.  Just flashes.  Most of them are of me being annoyed. I don't know why memories of being annoyed are so special: I am easily annoyed. I remember being very young, and the teacher was giving us our English lesson.  Telling us that from now on, we were going to call words that sound alike "homonyms".  We were going to call opposite words, "antonyms" and we were going to call words that mean the same as each other, "synonyms".  I remember being annoyed because to me it didn't seem like antonym was a particularly more difficult word th...

  I was a child who loved to read. Everyone in my family loved to read. We were book people. My father brought a shopping bag to the library and loaded it up at the new book section. My mother who worked so hard everyday would come home from work, slip into the rattiest nightgown you've ever seen and sit on the couch with a thick book while the rest of us sat and watched tv.  She never watched tv. She thought it was stupid. Which it is, but I love it.  My brother and sister were both voracious readers and could read really fast. Terrifyingly fast.  I was three years younger than my brother and he a year younger than my sister. So as a child I remember them tearing through thick books while I was still reading relatively slim ones. Books were not so long then.  I think that when writers were typing them out by hand they were a little more careful.  It wasn't until the advent of word processors that these 4-500 page books became the norm.  When I was ab...

Rob Shamblin School Board Member - District 5 McMinn County School Board 3 South Hill Street Athens, TN 37303 Dear Rob, I’m writing to you because, well, frankly your name appears last on the list of School Board Members so I’m assuming all of the Left Wing Libtards probably get worn out before they get to you. So, I figure you might actually get this letter. Great job banning that book. Kids should not read about mice. They are gross.   That was good thinking on your part.   My nephews have a guinea pig. It will probably turn them gay. They are on my wife’s side of the family. However, the bad news is, it turns out that this guy has sold a lot more of his books ever since you guys banned it. Which stinks. But, it got me thinking. I just recently published a book of my own.   It’s called, “My Sexy Date with Bigfoot” and it’s a book of short stories. It’s pretty disgusting and no child should read it.   Honestly, it was never my intention to sell it to children. But h...

  Ivan Reitman passed away recently.  He had directed a lot of my favorite movies from my youth: Animal House, Meatballs, and Ghostbusters to name a few.  Harold Ramis cowrote Ghostbusters and starred in it.  He also wrote the screenplay for and directed Groundhog Day which is easily in my top five favorite movies of all time. Is it arrogant to discuss my work alongside the works of these two superstars? I don't know. I mean it's not like either one of them will ever read it. But more importantly, it's my blog so yeah it's going to be about me.  Keep reading for an exclusive excerpt from my new book: My Sexy Date With Bigfoot ! I love a story that combines the fantastic with the everyday.  And while Ghostbusters certainly does this and does it beautifully; I love the way that it is more subtle in Groundhog Day .  How everything is perfectly normal except for that little something that is off.  In this case, it's how Bill Murray has to keep li...

 Hello Gareaders and Cohenthralled! Yes, that is what my fans call themselves.  Well great news! Because now fans of my books will be able to buy book on Amazon.com!  That's right, my first book of short stories, "My Sexy Date With Bigfoot" will be available on 2/22/2022 at 2:22pm but it is available for preorder right now! This book contains 10 previously unpublished short stories as well as an excerpt from my unpublished novel, "Long Gold Road" It is 122 pages and only $9.99 for the Kindle version . Watch this space for updates on the softcover and hardcover versions. Here is a sneak peak of the eponymous short story. Peggy is getting ready for her date with Bigfoot.  Until tonight, their relationship has existed entirely online. She is in her bedroom with her best friend Megan and her younger sister Denise.  “We exchanged pictures,” said Peggy. She grabbed a small, bejeweled picture frame off the dresser. She tossed it roughly to Megan who had to roll to the...