Open Letter To McMinn County School Board Asking Them To Ban My Book Alongside Maus



Rob Shamblin

School Board Member - District 5

McMinn County School Board

3 South Hill Street

Athens, TN 37303



Dear Rob,


I’m writing to you because, well, frankly your name appears last on the list of School Board Members so I’m assuming all of the Left Wing Libtards probably get worn out before they get to you. So, I figure you might actually get this letter.


Great job banning that book. Kids should not read about mice. They are gross.  That was good thinking on your part.  My nephews have a guinea pig. It will probably turn them gay. They are on my wife’s side of the family. However, the bad news is, it turns out that this guy has sold a lot more of his books ever since you guys banned it. Which stinks. But, it got me thinking.


I just recently published a book of my own.  It’s called, “My Sexy Date with Bigfoot” and it’s a book of short stories. It’s pretty disgusting and no child should read it.  Honestly, it was never my intention to sell it to children. But how can we be sure they don’t get their hands on it? That is where you come in. 


If you could see your way to banning my book, “My Sexy Date with Bigfoot” at your next school board meeting that would insure that no kids would get their hands on it.  And if you banning my book happens to result in a couple extra shekels* going my way, is that so wrong? Maybe a taste could head back in your direction? Maybe we buy a couple swing sets for the kids? Or you buy them a decent American book like, “Tom Sawyer” or “Huckleberry Finn”?


Here are just some of the objectionable parts to my book

The f-bomb - 13 times.  

The s word - 11 times

The word “ass” only appears once, but in the dedication! Let that sink in. 


Many mythological creatures appear in this book.  A genie, a sphinx, and the Minotaur are all discussed as if they were real.  Jesus, Moses, angels, most of the Apostles, and our Lord and savior Jesus Christ are all referenced for so called “comic” effect.  God judges a hamburger eating contest.  I’m not sure where you stand on Bigfoot, but he is also in it. There are talking dogs, foxes, camels and four distinct species of talking birds.  And none of them are real talking birds like parrots. 


There’s no explicit sex, but there are some allusions to it. No drugs use but there is also one character who smokes and it is a lady character. 


I think we can both agree that this is plenty of reasons to ban my book.  So, I would appreciate if you could do it as soon as possible. I do not live in the great state of Tennessee but I would be willing to appear via Zoom or we could FaceTime if that’s easier.  Just let me know.  


Thank you in advance for your support.


Intolerantly yours, 



Gary Cohen



*Jewish for money



Buy my book click this picture to buy it ----->  

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